關於 what is mental age test ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

《South China Morning Post》
Which Chinese zodiac sign will have the best 2021? Year of the Ox predictions for love, health, career and wealth
https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/arts-culture/article/3121172/which-chinese-zodiac-sign-will-have-best-2021-year-ox
• Those born in the year of the tiger and rabbit will prosper this year and Hong Kong’s luck will improve overall, a feng shui expert says
• But those born in the year of the ox, horse, sheep and dog can expect a difficult and challenging year
• Those who feel beaten down by the coronavirus pandemic and economic downturn that plagued the Year of the Rat, take heart.
• Starting on Friday, which marks the first day of the Year of the Ox, Hong Kong’s collective fortune is about to change – for the better.
• According to feng shui expert Yunwenzi, or Master Cloud, the new year will be one of nourishment and healing. However, while the city’s overall luck is expected to improve, what the Year of the Ox has in store for us individually will largely depend on the Chinese zodiac sign we were born under.
• To help you navigate through the coming year, here are some tips on the dos and don’ts from Yunwenzi that promise to help each animal sign find health, love and prosperity.
Ox
For those born in the Year of Ox, take heed. This is also a year in which your zodiac sign is at odds with the guardian god Tai Sui (or Fan Tai Shui), who determines the fortunes and setbacks of mortals.
Oxen will face a number of issues in their career in the coming year. Beware of back-stabbing colleagues or getting into disputes. Focus on your work to avoid unnecessary mistakes at work.
“The ox should beware of the risk of getting fired in the coming year. They’ll lack luck and it may be hard for them to get a new job,” warns Yunwenzi. “It is also difficult for them to accumulate wealth this year as they may make bad investment decisions. They should not invest in projects which they are unfamiliar with.”
Oxen will not enjoy much romance either over the next 12 months; try not to look for partners in clubs or at parties. Illnesses will be a problem too, owing to their weak immune system, so they need to take extra care of themselves.
Tiger
Contrary to those born in the Year of the Ox, the tiger is the luckiest of all the 12 zodiac animals this year. They will encounter plenty of gui ren – helpful people – who will help them realise their plans. Tigers should take advantage of the momentum and explore different possibilities. It will be a good time to start a business.
They are also lucky in love this year. For those seeking a relationship, seize the opportunities and enjoy the many pleasant romantic encounters.
“Widening their social circle not only brings them unexpected rewards but also boosts their overall luck in the year,” Yunwenzi explains.
But she reminds the tigers not to be arrogant and opinionated, as having good fortune does not necessarily mean all their actions are without consequences. For those who frequently attend social events, try not to overeat or else risk suffering from cardiovascular diseases.
Rabbit
The Year of the Ox is good for those born under the Rabbit sign. Everything will be quite rosy and they will be able to bounce back from rock bottom. Filled with positivity and optimism, this is a good year for them to set goals and go in new directions.
However, unlike the tigers, there are not many gui ren around for the rabbits and they pretty much have to rely on themselves to get things done. At work, their effort will be recognised by their superior and there might be a chance of promotion.
Romance is also in the air for the rabbits – but mind that large age gap. Patience and mutual understanding are needed if they want to establish a strong relationship.
The rabbit should avoid strenuous exercise to prevent injuries to the limbs.
Dragon
A stable and average year ahead for those born in the Year of the Dragon: their career will come to a standstill, which will make them doubt their working abilities. Yet, a twist of fate is expected after mid-autumn so it’s worth waiting for the opportunity to present itself.
Although dragons will have many romantic encounters this year, they may still end up unsatisfied as they are not devoting much time to nurture their relationship(s). Their impulsiveness also means they easily fall in love with the wrong person.
The dragon will have a weak lung this year, associated with respiratory diseases. They may also be prone to bad skin.
Snake
It will be a year filled with both fortune and risk for snakes. Since you will be surrounded by people, unexpected opportunities will arise from your growing social network.
“Their rising popularity may also attract people who speak with a ‘forked tongue’. They should work more and talk less. Their hard work will pay off,” says Yunwenzi.
Unmarried snakes will stay single this year because they are too picky. They are advised to lower their requirements when looking for a partner.
Beware of health problems such as spinal disc hernia, frozen shoulder and bony spur.
Horse
This will be a roller coaster year for those born in the Year of the Horse. Their long-awaited plans will be postponed or even halted due to unexpected variables, but as the saying goes, “amid every crisis lies a great opportunity”, and career opportunities will arise during the winter.
They should stay calm and sincerely tackle difficulties faced by their colleagues and company. This will gain their boss’s trust and confidence in them.
Apart from work, sincerity is also key to success in relationships. Just be true to yourself and the right person will be attracted by your charisma. Beware of eye and head problems; headaches and dizziness may occur frequently throughout the year.
Sheep
Those born in the Year of the Sheep should expect a difficult and challenging year. They will face a lot of obstacles in all aspects of life. The Year of the Ox is not one for them to make any important decisions such as starting a business or changing jobs as their mind might be clouded with confusion.
The sheep should stop finding excuses and acting like an otaku. Actively expanding and engaging in their social circles will bring them romantic luck.
“This is a Xing Tai Sui year for sheep, which means that they should also care for their safety as it is foreseen that they may have traffic accidents within the year,” warns Yunwenzi.
Monkey
The monkey foresees a flourishing year full of opportunities and good fortune. They should be receptive to new ideas and seize golden opportunities. They will get help from a female gui ren which will help them get better results.
They will also have a breakthrough in their career. They will easily get approval from their boss and promotion is on the horizon. For those who wish to start their own business, it is a good year to test the water by setting up a low-cost online business.
Monkeys will also have a fruitful social life this year. They will have opportunities to make new friends who have charming personalities. Thanks to the monkey’s attractiveness and social popularity, sparks may fly. It is wise for monkeys to make their intentions clear from the start to avoid ambiguous signals that could damage their reputation and friendships.
Kidney deficiency is likely to emerge in the Year of the Ox. They should also be aware of lower back pain.
Rooster
Roosters will have better fortune this year. This will be a “learning year” for them so they should stop being passive and start actively fighting for opportunities. Although the outcome may be unexpected or unsatisfying, each challenge is a golden learning opportunity.
The rooster also receives blessings from Wen Chang, the god that oversees the intelligence and wisdom of mortals. They should use their time for further studies.
People born under the sign of the rooster will not have much luck in love this year. They may feel tired and lose interest in searching for love. The rooster will not suffer from any major health problems this year, though they are prone to catching minor infections.
Dog
The dog is looking at a troubling year ahead as, like those born in the Year of the Sheep, they will go through a Xing Tai Sui year. It will result in an unstable year filled with trouble and difficulties in relationships. Brace yourselves for the worst during the middle of the year.
Accumulated stress means dogs may lose their temper. Bad fortune will come knocking with all that pent-up negativity.
They will also not have any luck in relationships this year. They should choose their partner wisely and only start a relationship when they have a better understanding of their lover. Dogs should also look after their mental health. Poor stress-induced sleep quality will increase the risk of developing mental illness such as depression.
Pig
Fortune shines on the pigs this year. They are always at their best and are quick-witted. They should attend more social gatherings to broaden their network and develop new job and business opportunities. Pigs could also set a more ambitious goal this year.
Those born in the Year of the Pig may be attracted to a number of people simultaneously, and this could even develop into multiple affairs. The complicated relationships will harm their hopes for romance in the long run.
Their health is hugely improved this year, and there is no major health problem predicted.
Rat
After experiencing a terrible Year of the Rat, those born under this animal zodiac sign will see a boost in their fortunes. But they must be persistent and persevere as their luck will remain average for the first half of the year.
They are advised not to set their goals too high but keep their feet on the ground and be prepared to face any challenges. They will be able to achieve their goals in the second half of 2021.
The rat tends to be indecisive in relationships. They lack security when it comes to love, especially when potential new partners emerge on the horizon. It will make them passive and unable to devote themselves to maintaining the relationship, which will not last.
They have a weak reproductive system this year. A regular check-up is advised.

#雲文子 #奇門遁甲 #風水 #玄學天后

My sister, Michelle-Ann Iking's 3% chance of conceiving naturally was a success! Here's her story:

(My apologies as I've been overwhelmed with personal matters. I've only managed to get to my desk. So finally got around posting this).

This is the story behind my sister's pregnancy struggle and how she shared her journey over her Facebook page.

Because some may have not caught her LIVE session chat with me (https://www.facebook.com/daphneiking/videos/687743128744960/) , or read her lengthy post (as it's a private page);
she's allowed me to copy and paste it over my wall, in case you need to know more about her thought process on how AND why she focused on the 3% success probability. Read on.

-------------------------------------------

Posted 10th May 2020.
FB Credit: Michelle-Ann Iking

A week ago today I celebrated becoming a mother to our second, long awaited child.

Please forgive this mother's LONG (self-indulgent) post, journalling what this significant milestone has meant for her personally, for her own fallible memory's sake as well as maybe to share one day with her son.

If all you were wondering was whether I had delivered and if mum and bub are OK, please be assured the whole KkLM family are thriving tremendously, and continue scrolling right along your Newsfeed 😁.

OUR 3% MIRACLE

All babies are miracles... and none more so than our precious Kiaen Aaryan (pronounced KEY-n AR-yen), whose name derives from Sanskrit origins meaning:

Grace of God
Spiritual
Kind
Benevolent

...words espousing the gratitude Kishore and I feel for Kiaen's arrival as our "3% miracle".

He was conceived, naturally, after 3 years of Kishore and I hoping, praying and 'endeavoring'... and only couples for whom the objective switches from pure recreation to (elusive) procreation will understand how this is less fun than it sounds ...

3 years during which time we had consensus from 3 different doctors that we, particularly I (with my advancing age etc etc) had only a 3% chance of natural conception and that our best hope for a sibling for our firstborn, Lara Anoushka, was via IVF.

Lara herself was an 'intervention baby', being one of the 20% of babies successfully conceived through the less intrusive IUI process, after a year and a half of trying naturally and already being told then my age was a debilitating factor.

We had tried another round of IUI for her sibling in 2017 when Lara was a year old. And that time we fell into the ranks of the 80% of would-be parents for whom it would be an exercise in futility... who would go home, comfort each other as best they could, while individually masking their own personal disappointment... hoping for the best, 'the next time around'...

So the improbability ratio of 97% against natural conception of our second baby, as concurred by the combined opinion of 3 medical professionals, was a very real, very daunting figure for us to have to mentally deal with.

Deep, DEEP, down in my heart however, though I had many a day of doubt... I kept a core kernel of faith that somehow, I would again experience the privilege of pregnancy, and again, have a chance at childbirth.

And so, the optimist in me would tell myself, "Well, there have to be people who fall in the 3% bucket... why shouldn't WE be part of the 3%?"

Those who know me well, understand my belief in the Law of Attraction, the philosophy of focusing your mind only on what you want to attract, not on what you don't want, and so even as Kishore and I prepared to go into significant personal debt to attempt IVF in the 2nd half of 2019, I marshalled a last ditch effort to hone in on that 3% chance of natural conception... through research coming across fertility supplements that I ordered from the US and sent to a friend in Singapore to redirect to me because the supplier would not deliver to Malaysia.

I made us as a couple take the supplements in the 3 month 'priming period' in the lead up to the IVF procedure - preconditioning our bodies for optimum results, if you will.

At the same time, I had invested in a sophisticated fertility monitor, with probes and digital sensors for daily tracking of saliva and other unmentionable fluid samples, designed to pinpoint with chemical accuracy my state of fertility on any given day.

(UPDATE: For those interested - I obtained the supplements and Ovacue Fertility Monitor from https://www.fairhavenhealth.com/. Though I had my supplies delivered to a friend in Singapore, and redirected to me here since the US site does not deliver to Malaysia, there are local distributors for these products, you will just have to research the trustworthiness of the vendors yourself...)

I had set an intention - in the 3 months of pre-IVF priming, I would consume what seemed like a pharmacy's worth of supplements, and track fertility religiously... in hopes that somehow, within the 3 month priming period, we would conceive naturally and potentially save ourselves a down payment on a new property... and this was just a projection on financial costs of IVF, not even considering the physical, emotional and mental toll it involves, with no guarantee of a baby at the end of it all...

It was a continuation of an intention embedded even with my first pregnancy, where all the big ticket baby items were consciously purchased for use by a future sibling, in gender neutral colours, in hopes that sibling would be a brother "for a balanced pair", though of course any healthy child would be a welcome blessing.

It was a very conscious determination to always skew my thoughts in service of what the end objective was. For example, when 3+year old Lara would innocently express impatience at not yet having a sibling, at one point suggesting that since we were "taking too long to give her a baby brother/sister", perhaps we should just "go buy a baby from a shop", instead of getting defensive or berating the baby that she herself was, we enlisted Lara's help to pray for her sibling... so in any place of worship, or sacred ground of any kind that we passed thereon, Lara would stop, close her eyes, bow her small head and place her tiny hands together in prayer, reciting earnestly, "Please God, please give me a baby brother or baby sister."

After months and months of watching Lara do this, in the constancy of her childlike chant, Kishore started feeling the pressure of possibly disappointing Lara if her prayer was not answered. Whereas for me, Lara's recitation of her simple wish became like a strengthening mantra, our collective intention imbued with greater power with each repetition, and the goal of a sibling kept very much in the forefront of our minds (hence our calling Lara our 'project manager' in this endeavour).

And somehow in the 2nd month of that 3 month period, a positive + sign appeared on one of the home pregnancy tests I had grown accustomed to taking - my version of the lottery tickets others keep buying in hopes of hitting the jackpot, with all the cyclical anticipation and more often than not, disappointment, that entails...

This time however I was not disappointed.

With God's Grace, (hence 'Kiaen', a variation of 'Kiaan' which means 'Grace of God'), my focus on our joining the ranks of the 3% had materialised.

It seems poetic then, that Kiaen chose to make his appearance on the 3rd May, ironically the same date that his paternal great-grandfather departed this world for the next... such that in the combined words of Kishore and his father Kai Vello Suppiah,

"The 1st generation Suppiah left on 3rd May and the 4th generation Suppiah arrived on 3rd May after 41yrs...
One leaves, another comes, the legacy lives on..."

***

KIAEN AARYAN SUPPIAH'S BIRTH STORY

On Sunday 3rd May, I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

The baby was, in my mind, very UN-fashionably late past his due date of 29th April, so as much as I had willed and 'manifested' the privilege of pregnancy, to say I was keen to be done with it all was an understatement.

In the weeks leading to up to my full term, I had experienced increasingly intense Braxton-Hicks 'practice contractions' - annoying for me for the discomfort involved, stressful for Kishore who was on tenterhooks with the false alarms, on constant alert for when we would actually need to leave home for the hospital.

Having become a Hypnobirthing student and advocate from my first pregnancy with Lara, and thus being equipped with
(1) a lack of fear about childbirth in general and
(2) a basic understanding of how all the sensations I would experience fit into the big picture of my body bringing our baby closer to us,
I was less stressed - content to wait for the baby to be "fully cooked" and come out whenever he was ready... though I wouldn't have minded at all if the cooking time ended sooner, rather than later.

With Lara, I had been somewhat 'forced' into an induced labour, even though she was not yet due, and that had resulted in a 5 DAY LABOUR, a Birth Story for another post, so I was not inclined to chemically induce labour, even though I was assured that for second time mothers, it would be 'much faster and easier'...

That morning, I had a hunch *maybe* that day was the day, because in contrast to previous weeks' sensations of tightening, pressure and even spasms that were concentrated in the front of my abdomen and occasionally shot through my sides and legs, I felt period - like cramping in my lower back which I had not felt before throughout the pregnancy.

It was about 8am in the morning then, and my 'surges' were still relatively mild ('surges' being Hypnobirthing - speak for 'contractions', designed to frame them with the more positive connotations needed to counteract common language in which childbirth is presented as something that is unequivocally painful and traumatic, instead of the miraculous, powerful and natural phenomenon it actually is).

I recall (masochistically?) entertaining the thought of opting NOT to have an epidural JUST TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE...

I figured this would be the last time I would be pregnant and so it would be my 'last chance' to experience 'drug free labour' which, apart from the health benefits for baby and mother, might be *interesting* in a way that people who are curious about what getting a tattoo and skydiving and bungee jumping are like, might find these *interesting*...even knowing there will be pain and risk involved...

Since I have tried tattoos and skydiving (unfortunately not being able to squeeze in bungee-jumping while my life was purely my own to risk at no dependents' possible detriment) a similar curiousity about a no-epidural labour was on my mind...

In the absence of other signs of the onset of labour (like 'bloody show' or my waters breaking), I wanted to wait until the surges were coming every few minutes before we actually left the house for the hospital, not wanting to be one of those couples who rushed in too early and had interminable waits for the next stage in unfamiliar, clinical surroundings and/or were made to go home in an anti-climatic manner.

I was even calm enough through my surges to have the presence of mind to wash and blowdry my hair, knowing if I did deliver soon I would not be allowed this luxury for a while.

Around 9am I asked Kishore to prep for Lara and himself to be dressed and breakfasted so we could head to hospital soon, while I sent messages to family members on both sides informing them 'today might be the day.'

My mother, who had briefly served as a midwife before going back into general nursing and then becoming a nursing tutor, prophetically stated that if what I was experiencing was true labour, "the baby would be out by noon".

The pace in which my surges grew closer together was surprisingly quicker than I expected; and while I asked Lara to "Hurry up with breakfast" with only a tad more urgency than we normally tell her to do, little Missy being prone to dilly-dallying at meals, I probably freaked Kishore out when about 930am onwards, I had to instinctively get on my hands and knees a couple of times, eyes closed, trying to practice the Hypnobirthing breathing techniques I had revised to help along the process of my body birthing our child into the world.

I recall him saying a bit frantically as I knelt at our front door, doubled over as he waited for Lara to complete something or other, "Lara hurry up! Can't you see Mama is in so much pain and you are taking your own sweet time??!!"

SIDETRACK: Just the night before, Lara and I had watched a TV show in which a woman gave birth with the usual histrionics accompanying pop culture depictions of labour.

Lara watched the scene, transfixed.

I told her, simply and matter-of-factly, "That's what Mama has to do to get baby brother out Lara, and that's what I had to do for you also."

In most of interactions with my daughter, I have sought to equip her to face life's situations with calmness, truthful common sense, and ideally a minimum of drama.

Those who know the dramatic diva that Lara can be will know that this is a work-in-progress, but her response to me that night showed me some of my 'teachings' were sinking in:

She looked at me unfazed, "But Mama," she said. "You won't cry and scream like that lady, right? You will be BRAVE and stay calm, right?"
#nopressure.

So as we prepped to leave for the hospital I did indeed attempt to be that role model of calm for her, asking her only for her help in keeping very quiet,
"Because Mama needs to focus on bringing baby brother out and she needs quiet to concentrate...".

As we left the house at 10.11am, I texted Kishore's sister Geetha to please prep to pick up Lara from the hospital, and was grateful Kishore had the foresight to ask our gynae to prepare a letter for Geetha to show any police roadblocks between my in-laws' home in Subang Jaya and the hospital in Bangsar, this all happening under the Movement Control Order (MCO).

To Lara's credit, in the journey over to the hospital, she - probably sensing the gravity of the situation, sat very quietly in her seat at the back, and the silence was punctuated only by my occasional deep intakes of breath and some variation of my Ohmmm-like moans when the sensations were at their height.

By the time we got to Pantai Hospital at around 10.30am, my surges were strong enough I requested a wheelchair to assist me in getting to the labour ward, as I did not trust my own legs to support me... and Kishore would have to wait until Geetha had arrived to take Lara back to my in-laws' house before he himself could go up.

I slumped in the wheelchair and was wheeled up to the labour room with my eyes closed the whole time, trying to handle my surges.

I didn't even look up to see the attendant who pushed me... but did make the effort to thank him sincerely when he handed me over, with what seemed like a palpable sense of relief on his part, to the labour ward nurses.

The nurse attending me at Pantai was calm, steady and efficient. I answered some questions and changed into my labour gown while waiting for Kishore to come up, all the while managing the increasingly intense surges with my rusty Hypnobirthing breathing techniques.

By the time Kishore joined me at around 11am (I know these timings based on the timestamps of the 'WhatsApp live feed' of messages Kishore sent to his family), I was asking the nurse on duty, "How soon can I get an epidural??" thinking what crazy woman thought she could do this without drugs???!!!

The nurse checked my cervix dilation, I saw her bloodied glove indicating my mucous plug had dislodged, and she told me, "Well you are already at 7cm (which, for the uninitiated, is 70% of the way to the 10cm dilation needed for birthing), you are really doing well, if you made it this far without any drugs, if can you try and manage without it... I suspect within 2 hours or less you will deliver your baby and since it will take about that time for the anaesthesiologist to be called, epidural to be administered and kick in... it might all be for nothing... but of course the decision is completely up to you... "

So there I was, super torn, should I risk the sensations becoming worse... or risk the epidural becoming a waste?? And of course I was trying to decide this as my labour surges were coming at me stronger and stronger...

I was in such a dilemma...because as a 'recovering approval junkie' there was also a silly element of approval-seeking involved, ("The nurse thinks I can do this without drugs... maybe I CAN do this without drugs... Yay me!") mixed with that element of curiosity I mentioned earlier ("What if I actually CAN do this without drugs... plenty of other women have done it all over the world since time immemorial.. no big deal, how bad can it be...??") so then I thought I would use the financial aspect to be the 'tiebreaker' in my decision making...

I asked the nurse how much an epidural would cost and when she replied "Around MYR1.5k", I still remember Kishore's incredulous face as I asked the question, i.e."Seriously babe, you are gonna think about money right now? If you need the epidural TAKE IT, don't worry about the money!!!"... and while we are not rich by any stretch of the imagination, thankfully RM1.5k is not a quantum that made me swing towards a decision to "better save the money"...

So in the end, I guess my curiosity won out, and I turned down the epidural "just to see what it would be like and if I had it in me" (in addition of course to avoiding the side effects of any drugs introduced into my and the baby's body).

My labour occuring in the time of coronavirus, it was protocol for me to have a COVID19 test done, so the medical staff could apply the necessary precautions. I had heard from a friend Sharon Ruba that the test procedure was uncomfortable, so when the nurse came with the test kit as I was starting another surge, I asked, "Please can I just finish this surge before I do the test?" as I really didn't think I could multitask tackling multiple uncomfortable sensations in one go.

The COVID19 test involved what felt like a looong, skinny cotton bud being inserted into one nostril... I definitely felt more than a tickle as it went in and up, being told to take deep breaths by the nurse. Then she asked me to "Try to swallow" and I felt it go into my nasal cavities where I didn't think anything could go any further, but was proven wrong when she asked me to swallow again and the swab was probed even deeper. Then she warned me there would be some slight discomfort as she prepared to collect a sample... but at that point all I could think about was:

(i) I really don't have much of a choice
(ii) please let this be over before my next surge kicks in
(iii) if all the people breaking the MCO rules knew what it feels like to do this test maybe they won't put themselves at risk of the need to perform one...

In full disclosure as I was transferred into the actual delivery room at some point after 11am, another nurse offered me 'laughing gas' to ostensibly take some of the edge off... I took the self-operated breathing nozzle passed to me but don't recall it making any difference to my sensations..so didn't use it much as it seemed pretty pointless.

I recall some measure of relief when I heard my gynae Dr. Paul entering the room, greeting Kishore and me, and telling us it was going well and it wouldn't be long now and he would see us again shortly.

From my previous labour with Lara I knew the midwives pretty much take you 90% of the way through the labour and when the Dr is called in you are really at the home stretch, so was very relieved to hear his voice though knowing he would leave and come back later meant it wasn't quite over yet.

I do remember realising when I had crossed the Thinning and Opening Phase of labour to the Birthing Phase, by the change in sensations... it is still amazing to me that as the Hypnobirthing book mentioned, having this knowledge I was instinctively able to switch breathing techniques for the next stage of labour .

Was my opting against epidural the right choice for me?

Overall? Yes.

Don't get me wrong.

I *almost* regretted the decision several times during active labour... especially when I felt my body being taken over by an overwhelming compulsion to push that did not seem conscious and was accompanied by involuntary gutteral moans where I literally just thought to myself, "I surrender, God do with me what you will..." (super dramatic I know but VERY real at the time...).

I think I experienced 3-4 such natural explusive reflexes (?), rhythmically pushing the baby down the birth path, one of which was accompanied by what felt like a swoosh of water coming out of a hose with a diameter the size of a golf ball... this was when I realised my water had finally broken...

The nurses kept instructing me to do different things, to keep breathing, to move to my side, then to move to the middle, to raise my feet... and when I didn't comply, Kishore (who was with me throughout both my labours) tried to help them by repeating the instructions prefaced with "Sayang..." but I basically ignored all the intructions because I felt I had no capacity to direct any part of my body to do anything and someone else would have to physically manoeuvre that body part themselves.

When I heard Dr. Paul's voice again and the flurry of commotion surrounding his presence, I knew the time was close... and when I heard the nurse say to Kishore, "Sir, these are your gloves, for when you cut the baby's cord", it was music to my ears...

I'm very, VERY grateful Kiaen slid out after maybe the 4th of those involuntary pushes... the wave of RELIEF when he came out so quickly... it still boggles my mind that my mother was essentially right and as his birth time was 12.02pm, it was *only* about 1.5 hours between our arrival at the hospital and his arrival into the world.

Kiaen was placed on my chest for skin to skin bonding and remained there for a considerable time.

For our short stay in the hospital he would be with us in my maternity ward number C327... another trivially serendipitous sign for me because he was born on the 3rd (May) and our wedding anniversary is 27th (July).

I was discharged the following day 4th May at about 5.30pm, after I got an all clear on COVID19 and a paediatric surgeon did a small procedure on Kiaen to address a tongue-tie that would affect his breastfeeding latch... making the entire duration of our stay about 31 hours.

I have taken the time and effort to record all this down so that whenever life's challenges threaten to get me down I can remind myself, "Ignore the 97% failure probability, focus on the 3% success probability".

Also that the human condition is miraculous and it is such a privilege to experience it.

To our son Kiaen Aaryan, thank you for coming into our lives and choosing us as your parents.

Even though Papa and I are both zombies trying to settle into a night time feeding routine with you, I look forward to spending not only all future Mother's Days, but every day, with you and your Akka...

And last but not least, to my husband Kishore...without whom none of this would be possible - we did it sayang, I love you ❤️

Photo credit: Stayhome session with Samantha Yong Photography (http://samanthayong.com/)

【孩子的心理平安】

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

I laughed as I read this quote by Franklin Jones.

Without fail, almost every lesson, this 7-year-old boy would gamely walk up to me and bellow, "老師，我好喜歡你啊！" (Teacher, I like you so much!)

He was rather tall and big for his age. Last week, he gave me a bear hug out of the blue, nearly knocking me over like a bowling pin.

To encourage him to speak more Mandarin, I engaged him in a conversation and asked, "你爲什麼那麽喜歡李老師？" (Why do you like me so much?)

He chirped excitedly with his toothy grin, "因爲你很漂亮！" (Because you are very pretty!)

I don't know whether to cry or to laugh.

.

This Facebook comment from Madam Teo struck a chord with me:

"我們用很長很長很長的時間把自己或孩子「弄壞」，然後期待以非常簡潔廉價的方式拿回那已經長茧的健康心理。"

We used a very very very long period of time to damage ourselves or our children. Then we look forward to reclaim that once healthy mindset, which is now infested with worms, with very cheap, easy and clean methods.

It is extremely hard to be a parent, much less a capable one.

Sometimes, there is nothing more ego tripping than trying to be a good parent.

Recently, I got hold of this book and the foreword written by a magazine editor, who is a working mum of two, was particularly insightful, and somewhat poignant.

She wrote:

從孩子一出生開始，我們爲人父母者的腦子裡就會出現兩個字：教育。我們希望通過「教育」讓孩子知書達理、令行禁止、敏而好學、從善如流。我們希望通過「教育」來塑造我們和孩子之間良好的關係⋯⋯祇是，「教育」二字帶來的強大使命感和緊迫感讓我們忽略了這樣的事實：我們與孩子之間先有關係，後有教育，我們首先是一個生命與另一個生命的親密組合，其次才是一個生命幫助另一個生命成爲更好的自己（且不論究竟是誰幫誰）。

From the beginning of a child's birth, the word that appears in the brains of us parents would be "education".

We hope that through "education", our children will be highly cultured and steeped in propriety, obey orders, smart and fond of studying, and follow good advice readily.

We wish that through "education", we build good relations with our children.

Thing is, the strong sense of mission and urgency, drummed by the word "education", often causes us to neglect this fact: We first have a relationship with our children, before education comes in.

We and our children, are essentially an intimate combination of one life with another life.

Secondly, it is then about one life helping another life to become a better version of himself/herself. (Let's not talk about who is actually helping who.)

.

These got me thinking about my work and my clients.

How some of them would move homes to be near the desired schools for their offspring.

How they send their kids to many many enrichment classes.

How they work very hard (some become SAHMs) to have better abilities to groom and nurture their children for their future.

They share the same aspiration as the magazine editor. It is no secret that most Singaporean parents take education very seriously. Instead of the phrase Tiger Mum, in Singapore, we call ourselves Lion Mums. #MajulahSingapura *mane flick*

When a male client came back seeking my Feng Shui service, I asked him why. I asked every client why by the way. It is my method of understanding my appeal to my market.

He told me he got favourable results since our Bazi consultation. His little girl getting into the school of their first choice was one reason.

It was a casual mention then when he told me about the school application. Through him, I learnt about the stress parents go through to get their children enrolled in the right schools. Out of empathy, I asked for his daughter's birth details and did a quick calculation to see if their preferred school was a good choice for her Bazi. Just because the parents like a particular school, does not mean the child will really benefit and be happy studying there.

Jackpot, it was great for the little girl. I gave my client some tips to secure the coveted spot in that school. It was a little extra bonus I gave him beyond the usual Bazi consultation. He had been mildly supportive of my work and remained polite, when I pointed out his areas to improve in our interactions.

.

More than once, clients have asked me if they can move homes to be near a particular school, for the sake of their children.

My answer is:

Always consider your marriage and livelihood first.

The energies in our living environment can either nurture us or break us. Not all houses are made equal.

If you are in a bad luck cycle, pretty sure you would know it without a fortune teller telling you, chances are you would be attracted to a house of poor Feng Shui. For without the intervention of a Feng Shui practitioner, the state of our Bazi determines the kind of Feng Shui we will naturally get.

The husband is considered the master of the house. While grooming our children is essential, you shouldn't compromise on the husband's career by moving into a house of lousy Feng Shui, just so that the child can register into your dream school.

Money woes, stagnant growth and loss of direction/drive in life can nail a stake into an otherwise happy family.

Last I know, broken families and highly strung parents are never recommended ingredients for happy and emotionally secure children.

The more family members there are, the more delicate my job is. To ensure every family member gets to benefit from great Feng Shui, within the constraints of a house, is always the most challenging part of my job.

.

Parents are the first and most intimate teachers of a child.

If a child does not have good role models to look up to at home, sending them to good schools will not have the desired impact as you crave.

Why?

Your DNA runs in the blood cells of your child. Say if you are a lazy person, who has a strong sense of entitlement, it is very likely your child's character will mirror yours. No matter what school he or she is in.

Because a child spends more time at home, with the family, than with his or her teachers.

Parenting is made even more challenging, if the father or mother lacks certain mental nourishment in his or her growing up years and is unable to repair and replenish himself or herself during the adulthood.

The deficient parent would not know how to give those nutrients to his or her child. And a vicious cycle ensues.

At different ages, a child will need different mental nutrition from the parents. These critical nutrients will form the backbone of the child's attitude in life, towards his or her education, marriage, career, lifestyle, family relations, friendships, money management, virtues and morals, ability to endure hardships, solve problems and pick up knowledge.

These mental nutrients are to be adequately given to the child before the age of 7.

One example of a mental nutrient the author raised in her book is the child's sense of importance.

Every child desires to feel valued by the parents. Especially between 0-3 years old. If the parents are emotionally unavailable and does not show to the child that he or she is very important to them, the child will instinctively seek this nutrient from another replacement adult.

Could be the grandparents or school teachers.

If he or she never manage to find this sense of being highly valued, he or she will spend his whole life looking for it.

They may fall in love with someone while still in secondary school, hoping that their partner will see them as the most important person in their lives.

As they get older, they will pester their partner with questions like:

• Am I the most important person in your life?
• How important am I?
• If I am a very terrible person, have a very bad character, will you still love me?

...

A quest like this consumes a lot of life energies for both persons in such a relationship. The child may over compromise on himself or herself in a relationship, just to be (the illusion of being) wanted and loved.

Over the past 11 years, I've worked with enough children and adults to see the truth in this author's comprehensive analysis.

.

When I do story telling to children, I tend to omit violence. For e.g. if the bad guy is caught and killed, I may modify the plot by saying that he is caught and thrown into prison.

I don't want the children to think that killing another person solves everything. There are already young boys, who go around the class shooting finger guns at their classmates and teachers, and calling it "fun".

While a good school makes a lot of difference, I also think attending religious classes is valuable for young children.

A child who only attends classes for self development will not learn enough to have the motivation to help others. Because those classes focus on his personal success, how to win the race, and not how he can help and love beyond his family and friends. Much less about how to break free from the endless wheel of reincarnation.

Some parents will tell me, they don't want to force their children into a religion at such a young age.

The dramatic irony when they "force" their child to go for tutition after tuition.

Sending your child to Buddhism lessons or Sunday school does not equate to coercing the child into a religion.

Religious classes build deep mental strength at a very different dimension from secular classes.

It teaches gratitude, altruism, compassion, karma, humility, filial piety, repentance (being able to admit you're wrong), precepts (do the right thing) and internal peace.

It shows the child the beauty of forgiveness and forbearance.

Religion also nourishes the child's soul by letting him or her know how important he or she is in the eyes of God, Buddha etc.

The child learns to make sense of the world he is living in and the purpose of his existence.

Jesus was betrayed, tortured and died on the cross. He spreaded the Gospel for only 12 short years. Buddha's blood-related disciple, Devadatta, plotted to kill Him with a drunk elephant but failed. He spoke poison of Buddha and eventually left Buddha, taking away with him 500 monks.

These are all extraordinary men who endured incredible hardships for Their cause. They, as with many great prophets, are the superheroes of Their time.

Thousands of years later, They withstood the test of time and are still highly revered all over the world.

Are Their stories not worth reading to our children? Is there nothing our children can learn from Them, to cope with the stress they will face?

Children don't tell us parents everything. By establishing this spiritual channel of communication, we cross our fingers (and toes) that our precious ones will not go leaping off from their room's window when things are rocky for them and they feel invalidated.

You should still allow the child to choose his or her own faith when they grow up. At least by then, you have built a (hopefully) good foundation of love, strength and empathy in your child when you had the chance to.

.

Proactive parents come to me to get their children's Bazi analysed, because they want to understand their children better and propel them in the right direction of growth.

They wish that their children can live a life more fulfilling than theirs, without having to fall too much.

If religion and Chinese Metaphysics aren't your cup of Teh Tarik, then I highly recommend this book that I am reading.

It is an equally good book for a "malnourished" adult to understand himself or herself.

I couldn't find it in Singapore bookstores, so the Husband bought my copy from an online Malaysia bookstore.

There are many Q&As in this book for parents with real-life problems in managing their children. The author gave very sensible and feasible recommendations. These were complied from the author's monthly column in the magazine and her 10,000+ strong real-life case studies.

Most people don't get to unleash their life potential this lifetime, because they lack the mentors and the mental nourishment to realise the powers of their Bazi.

Some of them blame their parents. But there is only so long you can blame them. How long more do you want to put your happiness in the hands of your parents? For the next 60 years? Perhaps like you, they didn't have parents who are adept at giving them the mental nourishment.

I don't think it matters whether you repair yourself when you are an adult or you, as a parent, only realise now what you have been doing wrong.

As long as we are willing to change and improve, we can always make up for lost time.

Better late than never.

...

《心理营养》

林文采 / 伍娜 / Shanghai Academy of Social Science Press / 288页 / Hardcover / 2016-3-1

心理营养的内容简介：

正如身体的健康需要物质营养，孩子心灵的成长与心理力量的强大必须获取足够的心理营养。

在成长的不同阶段，给足孩子恰当的心理营养，也就给了他一生幸福的底层代码。

本书中，作者阐述了“心理营养”的理念，同时介绍了气质理论在亲子教育中的应用。结合“心理营养”的理念和气质理论，作者从12个方面全方位回答了父母育儿中的常见问题。

五大心理营养：无条件的接纳；此时此刻，我生命中你最重要；安全感；肯定、赞美、认同；学习、认知、模范。

生命中的“五朵金花”：爱的能力；独立自主；联结；价值感；安全感。

12个方面的问题：
安全感 •情绪管理 •性格难题 •行为偏差 •社交与社会化 •夫妻关系 •妈妈的自我成长和支持 •父亲养育 •隔代养育 •性教育 •疑难表现 •其他生活琐事

We found the key to make your partners with avoidant attachment styles (aka Nina) cringe and/or cry: Ask them 36 Questions to Fall in Love!

The Thirsty Sisters are back this week to grill each other with uncomfortable questions! But do they really work? Sylvia and Nina put it to the test and ask each other these vulnerable, intimate questions. Will this turn out surprisingly fuzzy or emotionally traumatic? Tune in to find out ❤️

Link to 36 Questions to Fall in Love: http://36questionsinlove.com/

00:00 Intro
01:15 Topic of the Day
02:09 Vulnerable = Fall in Love?
03:20 How we'll be doing the 36 Questions
04:34 These questions lead to marriage?
05:25 The perfect day for us
06:16 How will we die?
06:47 What do we have in common?
07:17 What are we most grateful for?
09:21 What would we change about the way we were raised?
11:05 What ability would we like to gain?
13:30 Would we ask these questions on a date?
15:22 What would we want to know from a crystal ball?
17:13 What we've dreamt of doing for a long time
20:16 What are our greatest accomplishments?
23:25 Nina is dying at this question
24:15 Our most treasured memories
27:34 Diving deep into Nina's unexpected reaction
29:17 Nina is having a mental breakdown
30:15 Our most terrible memories
33:52 How we would live if we were going to die soon
36:07 Nina is dying (figuratively)
37:06 When did we last cry?
40:26 What do we regret not saying to someone?
45:36 Our parent-child relationship struggles
47:00 What we would save in a fire
48:57 Set 1 vs Set 2 vs Set 3?
49:17 Did you fall in love with us?
50:02 Conclusion

Sylvia and Nina are not your typical influencers; they give it to you raw and real! Join them as they quench their never-ending thirst for wisdom, trends, success and men.

They explore hot and pressing issues you never thought you needed to know in this extremely in-depth podcast. Sisters, brothers and everyone in between or beyond; jump in and be thirsty!

*Disclaimers*
The legal age for sex in Singapore is 18. While being comfortable with your bodies is a must, please protect yourselves by using protection ?
https://singaporelegaladvice.com/law-articles/legal-age-for-sex-in-singapore/

Our views in this podcast include only our own experiences as heterosexual women in Singapore, we respect everyone’s views regardless of genders, gender identities and sexual orientations.

Follow The Thirsty Sisters on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Instagram!
https://podcasts.apple.com/sg/podcast/the-thirsty-sisters/id1509379792
https://www.instagram.com/thethirstysisterstts
https://open.spotify.com/show/5yx8txjfb7dMkosumEv6lQ?si=5Ew1dv6wRlCayZ0TQfo-Ug

Featuring:
Sylvia - https://www.instagram.com/sylsylnoc
Nina - https://www.instagram.com/ninatsf

Brand collaborations/features:
sales@noc.com.sg

The Thirsty Sisters TEAM
Co-Founders: Sylvia Chan | Nina Tan
Executive Producer: Sylvia Chan
Crew/Editors: Jade Liew | Winston Tay
Motion Graphics Designers: Bryan Seah | Kher Chyn
Sound Engineers: Nah Yu En | Mabel Leong
Digital Strategist: Winston Tay

Get ‘Asiany’ Merch at our new merch store!: https://standard.tv/kentobento

Support us on Patreon: https://patreon.com/kentobento

★ THE EAST ASIAN ACCENT TEST (Can you tell accents apart?): https://youtu.be/F-lABs4nJ_w
★ 'Asian Eyes' Are More Common Than You Think: https://youtu.be/WxTnVWgOGLc
★ Asians Can’t Grow Facial Hair: https://youtu.be/3_bG1kbzZYY
★ My Asian Facial Hair Is REAL OR FAKE?: https://youtu.be/Inz1c-veurA
★ What Kind of 'Asian Eyes' Do You Have? (Test Yourself): https://youtu.be/wsNaBwrL9hg
★ Why Are Asians Yellow-Skinned?: https://youtu.be/rVcNy7bJyww
★ Where Are The Asian Borders?: https://youtu.be/vPupwlZlNMY
★ 10 REASONS Why Asians Don't Get FAT: https://youtu.be/xIqJR6xfMro

-----------------------

10 REASONS HAVING FACIAL HAIR IS OVERRATED FOR ASIAN GUYS (MOVEMBER)

Many Asian guys dread Movember - a global movement that encourages men all over the world to grow moustaches in support of combating prostate cancer, testicular cancer and mental health challenges.

As the stereotype goes, Asian’s can’t grow facial hair, or at least find it very hard to, and unlike some other Asian stereotypes, this one is kind of true.

I actually did a video a few months ago on Asians not being able to grow facial hair and I received quite a few comments and questions from unhappy Asian guys longing for more than just baby hairs.

But you know, I feel its overrated. It seems like the universe likes to screw around with us because there are many Asian guys who can’t grow facial hair but would really like to, and then there’s me, an Asian guy who CAN grow facial hair, but never cared for having that ability.

Here’s 10 reasons why facial hair is overrated (for Asian guys).

1) Time

This one’s the most obvious one. It takes time, to maintain facial hair., Maintaining a well-groomed beard, or having to shave everyday takes time; time that’s better spent sleeping in, reading the paper or checking emails.

2) Cuts & Irritations

I don’t have this problem because I never shave.

But for most jobs, one is actually expected to look presentable which means frequent shaving, and thus a higher likelihood for cuts or irritations.

3) Career

A lot of jobs require a fresh face, especially in Asia. In fact, a study has shown that 84% of HR professionals agree that clean-shaven, facially hairless employees, have a much higher chance of being promoted than those with beards, moustaches and stubble.

So for those who can’t really grow facial hair.....who cares! You’re naturally one step closer to rising the ranks anyway.

4) Ageing

People often make fun of guys who can’t grow facial hair for having young looking faces.

But, really? You’re making fun of someone because they look youthful? How many people would kill to look young for their age?

Although I guess the counter to that is that asians never age, so there’s nothing to worry about. That’s a misconception. Asians do age slowly, but up to a certain point; maybe to their early 30’s, and then BAM! Oldie.

5) Food Magnet

Food. Beard. Magnet.

6) Female Perspective

Yes some studies have shown that a fair share of women do like facial hair on a guy, but this viewpoint is primarily directed towards white guys. Out of the women who are into Asian guys however, I think they prefer a clean shaven look. Especially Asian girls. From my experience, Asian females seem too not be a fan.

And for non-Asian females who are into Asian guys, they don’t care, they really don’t. If they’re into Asian dudes, they probably even prefer a hairless, smooth appearance.

7) Scratchiness

It’s not pleasant for a girl when your rough stubble cheese grates across her delicate face. That scratchiness can be really irritating for her.

8) Moustaches

When it comes to moustaches, and assuming you’re an Asian guy, do the world a favour and don’t attempt to grow one. Asians just don’t look good in those soup strainers.

Do you really wanna be looking like an Asian pedophile?

9) Celebrities

If you’re bothered by your lack of facial hair, you’re probably somewhat influenced by Hollywood and western pop culture. But even so, there are a number of heartthrob stars who are as facially sparse as the average Asian.

To name a few, Harry Styles, Michael Cera, Justin Bieber ....okay maybe they aren’t the manliest of men, but you can’t deny their popularity with girls. So if that’s your concern, it’s really no big deal.

10) Does It Even Matter?

'Nuff said.

-----------------------

ABOUT
We do videos on interesting 'Asiany' topics - Asian stereotypes, Asian pop culture, Asian issues, Asian history, AMWF, and things you just didn't know about Asia! At the moment there is particular emphasis on Japan, China and Korea, but in the future we would like to focus on other Asian countries as well.

FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
► Twitter: https://twitter.com/kentobento2015
► Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kentobento2015