關於 it's not a big deal意思 ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

#尋人啟事
#胡湘荷妳在哪裡

我的母親已八十歲，
疫情期間，
母親常在電話跟我聊一些過去的事情，
母親的記憶力非常好，
從她十歲開始到現在，
她幾乎能記得所有的事情。

當然，
她記的幾乎都是些令人心碎的事。

就像她的妹妹＿
我的小阿姨，
跟她失聯了四十三年的事，
一直讓母親忘不了。

小阿姨屬猴，
64歲、
1956年出生。
大約1977年離開緬甸，
去到泰國投靠大舅，
又輾轉在1978年左右去了加拿大。
之後，
就失去了聯絡。

自從有網路以來，
我就幫忙母親在各種尋人版上刊登過尋人啟事，
但都沒有下文。
可能是刊登的資訊不齊全。

四十三年前，
小阿姨從緬甸到泰國又到加拿大，
可能證件、姓名等都跟原本的不一樣了。

近期，
與我母親通話，
母親又提到失聯的小阿姨。
她叮嚀我們是否能幫忙她再找找看。

母親今年八十歲，
她很想知道她的小妹，
是否還活在這世界上？

附上母親說的話，
她讓我公佈在網路上。

希望有緣，
我的小阿姨能看到。

Midi 於永和
2020 April 12

#胡湘荷
#尋人

胡湘荷，妳在哪裡？

阿湘，
我是妳的二姐胡明珠。
我們分別有好長一段時間了。

妳離開緬甸時，
我二兒子才剛出生，
都還不滿一個月，
妳來看他時，
還說：
「他的臉白白的，
是不是我給他擦粉？」
現在，
我二兒子四十三歲，
我呢，
已經快滿八十二歲，
八十多歲，
是老人了。

人家說，
人愈老記性愈差，
我是相反，
我的記性反倒是愈老愈好。
但是，我能記住的，
都是些傷心的事情。

也許，
我們這代人，
也沒有什麼快樂的事情可以記住。
就像妳的離開，
我們從此失去聯絡，
想起妳，
就讓我難過。

妳還活著嗎？
我想妳會活得好好的。
妳有幾個小娃了？
過得怎麼樣呢？

四十三年前，
妳離開腊戌時，
妳還在腊戌漢人學校唸書。

有天放學，
我去攔住妳，
跟妳說：
「妳以後每天下課後就來我家吃飯，
別去大姐家吃了…」
妳說：「好」。
妳也就跟著我到我家吃飯了。

我還記得，
妳才剛坐下，
我不知怎麼搞的，
就說了那些話。

我說：
「大姐讓妳以後來我這裡吃飯，
別去她家吃了，
讓妳三姐去她家吃，
妳三姐不挑嘴，
妳比較挑嘴…」。

這些話，
是大姐跟我說的，
我當時太懵，
太老實，
我也不曉得，
為什麼要說這些大姐講的話？
為什麼要講給妳聽？

我完全，
沒有擔待不了妳的意思呀。
不管多窮，
姐妹間互相照顧都是應該的，
我轉述大姐說妳的那些話，
是沒有任何理由的，
就是我以為是姐妹之間的聊天，
講出來而已。

我那時候過得很困難，
養著六個小娃，
病死了兩個。
但是，
照顧自己的妹妹是天經地義的。

那天，
我邊說就邊到廚房去炒菜，
難得妳來這裡吃飯，
總要多一樣什麼菜才行。

我炒完菜端著出來，
妳就不見了。

當時，
房東許老嬤嬤還在場，
她說，
「我轉進廚房，
妳就站起來走了…」

我那時才發覺；
我講錯話了。

妳這麼敏感的人呀！

我一路追著妳，
追到大水塘路上＿
到妳跟妳三姐住的地方，
妳正在哭。
妳正在哭著跟妳三姐吵架，
妳跟妳三姐說：
「二哥寄來的錢分來…」
妳三姐不敢應妳，
在旁沉默著。
這筆妳要的錢，
確實是妳二哥寄來給妳們兩姐妹的生活費。

那時，
媽媽剛去世不久，
大哥人去了泰國；
在泰國北部滿堂安了家，
家裡所有的兄弟陸續去了泰國。
而爸爸因為沒身份證在貴概被移民局抓住，
送到仰光坐滿九年牢，
緬甸政府正打算著把他送到台灣去的時候…

那天，
我看著妳哭，
我就明白了妳的心情。

妳三姐在準備跟她愛人私奔，
在腊戌妳也只有大姐、我和妳三姐了。

我和大姐早結婚，
各自已有有家庭。
如今妳三姐又要嫁人，
大哥他們又遠在泰國，
母親去世，
父親坐牢。
妳接下來就要孤苦零丁的一個人生存了。

一個十八歲的女孩。
我知道妳的害怕和難過。

那天，
看著妳哭，
我很後悔把大姐說的話講出來。

妳應該了解我的。
我一直都盡力照顧我的家人，
當時從雲南背著妳逃難到緬甸邊境，
背了一天一夜。
我都是自願的。

妳記得嗎？
妳到腊戌讀書時，
很想要一條件仔褲，
那時許多人都買不起，
我還是費盡力氣買給妳。
妳知道我是心疼妳的。

妳離開腊戌的那天，
妳說妳要去泰國了。
臨走時，
我拿了300塊錢給妳，
妳知道嗎？
那時候我拿出300塊錢緬幣是到處借來的錢呀。

阿湘，
我知道妳一直都在受苦，
去到泰國，
大嫂可能待不得妳，
妳二哥、三哥他們當時也沒能力照顧妳，
妳在泰國又沒有合法的身份；
哪可能有其它去處。

最後妳選擇結婚，
我想也只是為了解脫這些難過的生活罷了。

之後，
就聽說妳嫁了人，
跟著丈夫家去了加拿大。

之後，
我就再也就打聽不到妳的下落了。

我們最後的連繫，
停留在泰國北部滿堂，
或是停留在泰緬邊境美賽，
我都有些記不得了。

那時，
聽說妳從大哥家跑出來了？
又聽說妳去暫住在一對老年夫妻的家裡？
這些，
都是後來傳到腊戌的消息了。

妳去加拿大前，
還寄來給我和大姐和妳三姐每個人一件衣裳布、
一條籠基。
三份禮物裡夾著三張白紙，
寫著：「大姐的、二姐的、三姐的…」。
我還記得，
那是託「義號佛堂」楊前人帶來的禮物。

那條籠基到現在我還留著＿
孔雀花紋的。

阿湘，
我這個作二姐的也羞愧妳了。
當時，
聽到這些關於妳的困難的消息，
只能每天想念著，
想到傷心，
我沒有任何能力。

那時，
我是，
連從緬甸腊戌到泰國邊境的車票都買不起呀。
當時我養著這麼多小娃，
吃一口飯都難。

阿湘，
現在講這些都只是回憶了，
都是我們老人家的回憶，
都不重要了。

那為什麼還要講這些呢？
就是，
為了，
想讓妳看到，
看到這些我說的話，
證實，
我是妳的二姐而已。
想讓妳知道，
我一直在找妳。

我活到八十歲，
夠了，
人活這麼老沒什麼意思，
都盡是傷心的事情。

我不知哪天會死去。
但如果可能的話，
在死去之前，
能讓我知道一下妳的消息。

我想知道，
妳在哪裡？
我想知道，
妳還活著嗎？

阿湘，
爸爸十幾年前已經去世，
大哥六年前去世，
連大姐，
前年也不在世上了。

妳二哥；
他住在泰國山邊荒地裡，
幫人家看田地，
過得不是很好，
但也不用擔心，
我在泰國的二兒子和大姑娘時常會去照顧他。

妳三哥，
講到也是讓我難過呀。

他大前年腦出血，
去醫院醫好了，
但醫好後，
很奇怪，
突然忘記了漢人話，
只會講泰國話。
後來不久，
他就偷偷上吊自殺了。

你說，
我們兄弟姐妹這是什麼樣的命運呢？

阿湘，
我們家沒剩下什麼人了，
妳三姐、妳四哥還在泰國。
還有我，
我還活著。
我還在緬甸，在腊戌。

除了妳，
我們一家人也就剩下這三個人了。

阿湘，
我們已經分別已四十三年，
妳也有六十多歲了吧？
我很想知道，
妳在哪裡？
妳還活著嗎？

如果有緣，
妳看到這信，
就回我一下吧。

妳的二姐胡明珠，
日日夜夜，
在等妳的消息。

二姐胡明珠　於緬甸腊戌
2020 年4月11日
姪Midi代筆

找人信箱：humingju1638@gmail.com

**************
#notice for a missing person

translated by Jane Lin
****************

Where are you, Hu Shine-Ho?

Ah-Shine,
This is your 2nd sister, Hu Ming-Ju. It has been a long time since we last saw each other. When you left Burma, my 2nd son was not even one-month-old. You asked why he was so fair-skinned? Had I put powder on his face? Now, he is 43 and I am almost 82.

Eighty something...I am indeed an old woman! People say that you lose your memory as you age. I am quite the opposite. The older I get, the better I remember! But, what I remember is nothing but sadness. Perhaps, our generation just doesn't have much happiness. Like you leaving home, we losing contact forever…. The thought of you puts me in such despair. Are you still alive? I imagine you living a good life?!! How many children? How are you?

Forty-three years ago, you were still a student at Chinese High School in Lashio. One day after school, I went to intercept you, "From now on, come to my home after school. Don't go to 1st sister's for dinner anymore." You said, "OK" and followed me home.

I still remember clearly that you had just sat down and I said, "The first sister asks that you come to me for dinner. She will take 3rd sister who's easy-going, not like you, a picky eater." I don't know what possessed me that day? Why I had to tell you what 1st sister had to say? Was I too naive? Too honest? Too stupid? I had absolutely no intension not to take care of you - we are sisters!!!! We have to care for each other, no matter how poor we are!!! The first sister's words just came out as a casual chat between sisters. Nothing more!

Life was tough for me at the time. Diseases took away two of my six children. But that didn't mean I would ignore my God-given responsibility as your elder sister. Without realizing the impact of my "casual chat", I went into the kitchen wondering what additional dish I could come up with for your first dinner with us. When I came out with the dishes, you were already gone! According to our landlady, Granny Hsu, you just got up and left as soon as I was out of sight. Only then did I realize my stupid mistake and how sensitive you were! Immediately, I ran after you, all the way to Big Pond Road where you and 3rd sister stayed. You were crying, asking 3rd sister for the money that 2nd brother sent. 3rd sister just kept quiet.

Indeed! The money that you demanded from 3rd sister was to cover living expenses for both of you. At that time, Mother had already passed away. The first brother went to Thailand, had already settled his own family in Pong Ngam. All the brothers followed suit. Father got caught in Kutkai by the immigration for not having an I.D. and had been in prison in Rangoon for 9 years. The Burmese government was just about to send him to Taiwan…. That day, while watching you cry, I understood how you felt. The third sister was getting ready to run away with her lover and both 1st sister and I were married young with our own families to deal with. As an 18-year-old with no mother, a father in prison, you must have felt all alone, sad and very scared.

I was filled with regrets watching you that day. But, please understand that I have always tried my best to take care of my family. When we escaped from Yunnan to Burma as refugees, I carried you on my back all day and all night without any complaints. When you went to Lashio for school, you wanted a pair of jeans so badly, remember? It was such a luxury that most people could not afford. Yet, I gathered all my might to get you a pair. You know I always have a soft spot for you, don't you? The day you were leaving Lashio for Thailand, do you know how many places I had to try to gather 300 Burmese kyats for you???

Ah-Shine, I know it was a huge struggle for you in Thailand. It's impossible that 1st sister-in-law would put you up. Second and 3rd brothers were in no position to help you….. I suppose you were pushed into marriage, just to end this desperate situation. Last I heard, you moved to Canada with your husband. From that point onward, in spite of all the efforts, I just couldn't find any trace of your whereabouts.

Our last contact stopped at Pong Ngam, Thailand. Or, was it MaeSai? I can't quite remember now. The news came to Lashio that you had run away from 1st brother's home. Later, you were temporarily staying with an older couple….

Before leaving for Canada, you sent, via Abbott Yang of the Yi Buddhist Hall, a package for us - each gift had a piece of dress fabric and a longyi, clearly labeled on a piece of white paper: "for 1st sister," "for 2nd sister," "for 3rd sister." I still have that longyi, with a peacock pattern, after all these years!

Ah-Shine, I feel deeply embarrassed to be your elder sister. Upon hearing the challenges that you had to face at the time, I could do nothing but worrying and feeling sad. I couldn't even afford the bus fare from Lashio to the Thai border. I barely managed to feed my own children!
Ah-Shine, What's the use of talking about these old memories? These sad memories of us old people have no importance but to serve to show you that I am indeed your 2nd sister.… that I have been looking for you all these years.

To live in my eighties is more than enough for me. It's not much fun to live this long - just a lifetime of sadness. I have no idea when I will die and I don't really care. I just wish that I could hear from/about you before I leave this world. I want to know where you are. I want to know if you are still alive.

Ah-Shine, Father passed away more than a decade ago. The first brother left us 6 years ago, so did the first sister 3 years ago. The second brother works as a field caretaker in a remote Thai mountainside. It's not a good life, but both my 2nd son and first daughter are also in Thailand; can visit and take care of him often. The saddest is our 3rd brother. He had a stroke 3 years ago. After recovery, he suddenly forgot his Chinese, could only speak in Thai. Not long after, he hanged himself! Please tell me what kind of fate has been bestowed on our siblings??? What is the meaning of life???
Ah-Shine, There aren't that many of us left, only 3rd sister and 4th brother in Thailand and me still in Burma. In Lashio.

Ah-Shine, We have been apart for 43 years. You should be in your 60s by now. I really would like to know if you are still alive and where you live. God willing, you will see this letter and reply!!! (humingju1638@gmail.com)

Waiting to hear from you, day and night!

Second sister, Hu Ming-Ju
Lashio, Myanmar
April 11. 2020

【業力的黑洞】THE BLACK HOLE OF KARMA

（一）

「我不是叫你帶筆記本嗎？」

我看著男客人擺在桌上的那僅僅一張A4紙。

男客人不好意思地說：「我忘了。這是跟櫃台取的。」

「我千里迢迢來到這裡，因為你說你要改命。你就拿這樣一張借來的紙，來改命？一個半小時的看八字，夠你寫嗎？還是你不夠寫時，又要浪費我的時間去借紙？你的認真在哪裡？」

我雙眼直視著男客人的眼睛。

他連忙站起來，去借了多幾張A4紙。

•

（二）

「你怎麼帶那麼小的本子？夠寫嗎？」

我不可思議的看著，那如信用卡一般大的記事本。

男客人答：「可以啦！我只寫重點！」

「你這個是懶。我的每一句話都是重點。你的八字在我手上，你是怎樣的人，你不要以為我不知道。你不要跟我瞎掰，更不要有寫沒寫的，然後事後又發私訊重覆性的問回我一樣的問題，因為你沒有用心思寫下來。樓上有書店，要嘛你現在去買，我給你十五分鐘，要嘛我們今天就不看你的八字。你自己選。」

男客人十分鐘內，買了A4本子。

•

（三）

我為即將結婚的男客人看新家風水。

他來過我的風水講座數次，閱讀我臉書也有兩年多時間，應該很熟悉我的性格。事前，我提醒過他兩次要帶筆記本，兩次兩次他都跟我說謝謝提醒。

站在客廳看風水時，他抽出那張A4的屋子平面圖，壓在手掌心寫。

「我不是已經叫你帶筆記本嗎？」

他笑笑不語，沒有解釋，沒有道歉。

新家風水那麼重要，關係到你和你家人未來至少五年的興旺，你就在這一張軟綿綿的紙上寫兩個小時的筆記嗎？

以我對客人的要求，我本會叫他到外頭買筆記本，我們才繼續看風水。

但那天，現任屋主還住在那個單位，是特別約好時間讓我們進去看風水，對方也在等著我們完事後就要出門。

想想他過去兩年來常在我臉書貼文按讚，就給他一點面子，讓他在女朋友面前好下台，也算是報答他的支持。

於是，我看在眼裡，記在心裡。依我的經驗，沒把筆記寫好的，必會再來問我。

幾天後，他來訊詢問。當中有幾個問題，我當天已解說過。

我回他：「我雖不介意回答已經回答過的問題，但如果你那一天有帶筆記本，你必會抄下來。」

也就不用再問。

我也寫道：「我對你有點失望。」

他回我：「我明白也注意到你的失望。以後會更留意自己的念頭和舉止。」

「你應該跟我道歉。你忽視我的善意提醒本就不對。」

也猶如騙了我。如果你當初不想帶，直說，不要以假謝謝敷衍。

男客人過後道歉，也大方的同意我把這件事情寫出來，警惕大家。

如果你的未來註定會坎坷，無論是婚姻、事業、家庭或財富，你要比任何人都更注意你的一舉一動。

因為你細小的念頭，細微的決定，會一步一步引你掉入你命中註定的歹運。

你會漏掉寫下我千交代萬交代的事情。

你會寫錯、聽錯、記錯、做錯。

你身邊的人會影響你，告訴你不要聽我或任何能幫你改命的話，你如何如何讓她他不開心不舒服。

你會有錢也不要出錢，只是一直想博取我的同情，得到免費的幫助，然後稱說自己沒有錢。

你會任性，你會執著，你會覺得風水命理沒那麼厲害，你自己說了算，雖然你根本不怎麼樣。

因為你已變成一個弦线上的小木偶，被你那無情的業力操控著。

我的嚴厲，是要及時拉你一把，不要「青青菜菜」的過活，不要拖累你的家人和你一起遭業報。

不是每個人跌倒後，都能夠爬得起來。

誰不想做好人，讓每個人都喜歡自己？但自古，慈母多敗兒。

在現今社會裡，男人女人的自信，都是來自於事業，但每個人的幸福，都是源自於家庭。

所以千萬千萬不要自私。

...................................

（1）

“Didn't I tell you to bring a notebook?"

I looked at the lonely piece of A4 paper the male client placed on the table.

Slightly embarrassed, the male client said, "I forgot. This was obtained from the counter."

"I come all the way here because you tell me you want to change your destiny. You bring this kind of paper to change your life? My consultation is 1.5 hour and you think it's enough for you to write? Or when you run out of space, are you going to waste my time to go and borrow paper? Where is your seriousness?"

I looked at the male client straight in the eyes.

He hurriedly stood up and borrowed a few more pieces of A4 paper.

•

（2）

"Why did you bring such a small notebook? How is it enough for you to write?"

I looked at the credit-card-sized notebook incredulously.

The male client replied, "Can! I only write the important points!"

"This is your sloth. Everything I said is important. Your Bazi is in my hands. Don't think that I do not know what kind of person you are. Don't talk nonsense to me. Don't write selectively and then later send me PMs asking me the same questions that I have answered in this consultation, just because you didn't put in effort to jot it down. There is a bookshop upstairs. Either you go and buy now. I will give you 15 minutes. Or we will cancel today's consultation. You decide."

The male client returned with a brand new A4 notebook in ten minutes.

•

（3）

I was doing a Feng Shui audit for a male client who was getting married.

He came to my Feng Shui workshops a few times and have read my Facebook for over 2 years. Prior to the audit, I reminded him twice to bring a notebook and twice, he thanked me for my reminders.

While standing in the living room doing the Feng Shui audit, he drew out a A4-sized floorplan and wrote on it, with his palm as the backing.

"Didn't I already tell you to bring a notebook?"

He smiled back at me. No explanation. No apology.

The Feng Shui of a new home is so important because it determines the future of your family luck for at least the next 5 years. And you are going to write on this floppy piece of paper for the next 2 hours?

Given my expectations of clients, I would have told him to go and buy a notebook before I continued my audit.

But that day, the current owner was still living in the unit. It was by appointment that we were let in to get the Feng Shui audit done. The family was also waiting for us to finish things up, as they were going out.

I thought of the many times that he had Liked my FB posts these two years. So I decided to give him some face, and not make things difficult for him in front of his girlfriend. Also a very tiny way of me thanking him for his support all these while.

Hence, I put this incident in my heart. From my experience, I know that anyone who did not write the notes well will definitely come back to ask me again.

A few days later, he sent me messages, some of which were raising the same questions that I had explained on the day of the audit.

I told him, "While I do not mind answering the same questions again, if you had brought a notebook that day, you would have written it down."

You and I would not need to repeat ourselves again.

I also wrote, "I am slightly disappointed in you."

His reply, "Well noted on your disappointment. Will pay attention to own thoughts/actions for better changes."

"You should apologise to me. It is wrong of you to ignore my reminders to bring a notebook."

This is akin to lying to me. If you do not wish to bring, say it outright. Don't brush me off with perfunctory thanks.

He did apologised later and graciously gave me the permission to write about this, to remind my readers.

If your future is destined to be difficult, be it in your marriage, career, family or wealth, you must be extra observant of your every action and deed.

Because every little thought of yours, every seemingly minor decision you made, will lead you step-by-step to fall into the manhole of your pre-destined bad fortune.

You will miss out on what I repeatedly tell you to do.

You will write wrongly, hear wrongly, remember wrongly and do wrongly.

The people around you will influence you. They will tell you not to listen to me, or any well-meaning advice to transform your destiny. They will say that you doing so is making them unhappy and uncomfortable.

You will be unwillingly to fork out money even when you can afford it. You want to live off the compassion of mine and get free help, on the empty claim that you have no money.

You will be wilful. You will be stubborn. You will think that there is no big deal about Chinese Metaphysics and that what you say matters the most in your life. Despite not having any ability or past achievement to support that fat bold claim.

Because you have already become that little string puppet, being dangled around mercilessly by your negative karma.

My sternness is to pull you away from that manhole of mishaps. Do not live your life in a blur. Do not drag your family down with you to suffer at the hands of karma.

Not everyone can stand up right again, after a really bad fall.

Who doesn't wish to be that well-liked person? But since ancient times, an overly loving mother often leads to a useless son.

In modern society, the self confidence of every man and woman tend to come from his/her career. But happiness and bliss will always come from your family.

So never ever choose to be selfish.

【謝謝你，但我的命我自己來】(English writing below)

「你明明很早就可以被男人養，為什麼不要？」

「每個人都應該爲自己的人生長本事。我想做的，是出於污泥而不染的大蓮花，沒想做溫室裡的小花。」

我家族裡的女性，幾乎清一色都是女兒當自強。我姑婆78歲，一個人住，沒嫁人沒孩子。外公娶妻時，就帶著年幼的她一起住。外公過世二十多年，外婆（也就是她的大嫂）還在世時，姑婆到了六十幾歲，都還給我外婆一些家用。

她不過是個打雜工的婦女。給外婆的家用，全靠自己努力工作賺取的。

姑婆沒讀過什麼書，而我是一個大學生，怎麼可以遜色於姑婆呢？

小時候，因為家裡欠債累累，三天兩頭就有債主「奪命追魂」的打家裡電話或「登門造訪」追債，而我一個小女孩，就經常被推出去應付這些凶神惡煞的陌生大人。理由是，他們看到小孩，口氣會軟化些，可以再拖延幾天。

當時我真的很怕，但，不出去，就會被罵被打。長那麽大了，有時會莫名其妙的害怕，幸得佛法的熏陶，以那種前面有虎，後面有熊的恐懼感，磨練出我內在『破釜沈舟』的堅韌精神。

要就不做，要做，我就絕不手軟。這樣才有意思。

這種被「嚇大」的童年，讓我很小便許下承諾，以後絕不讓任何人或東西威脅到我。

我知道很多女人都有想在家不做工的夢想。我的八字也確實有這種命，三十歲過後可以不做工，靠男人養。

但像我這般出色的人才，如果不出來貢獻於人類，而選擇那條路，豈不是太對不起祖宗十八代的強大基因，和師尊師父的教誨嗎？

出道以來，我的玄學功夫幫了不少人，我的文章也引不少很多人深思長智慧。

我這十多年練出來的功夫，去哪裡都吃得開。現在的環境風水越來越差，人的問題只會越來越多，只要有真功夫，我的行業只會越老越吃香。師父常開玩笑說，以後老了，如果沒生意，還可以到四馬路觀音廟前擺攤問事，過過日子。😄

萬一還有來世，我的潛意識起碼還會帶著這種不屈不饒的精神投胎。

如果一心想靠一個男人上位，沒有自己獨立的能力，他變心了，我怎麼辦？

以前母親也有很多男人想包她，但她也為了我們這些孩子，而一一拒絕。靠自己的本事，也把我拉到這麼大。

我媽還說，一個男人如果不要給妳名份，就別浪老娘的青春。

大人的身教，永遠都勝過於言教。

大人有怎樣的命運，孩子也必有類似的命運。

我，不想苟且偷生。現在我想賺錢，就賺錢，想寫文章和大家聊天，就寫文章，又可以繼續進修玄學，學佛修法，開發自己的佛慧。

這對我來說，是自己奮鬥很多年而得到的自由。我想要我孩子學的，就是這樣的精神。

錢，花自己心安理得賺來的，最過癮。如果是不道德不合法交易換來的錢，花的人，無論是我還是我家人，都得負上因果。

我這文章不是在貶低選擇被男人養的女性。每個人的初發心不一樣。我祇是想喚醒妳們走回原本清靜無瑕的尊貴人生。我的女客人當中，選擇這條路的，錢雖來得快，但都沒有幸福的下場。

沒有人，會比我更在意更努力的，創造我的理想人生。

若我沒這本事，我願意虛心學習。我也很慶幸，此生有兩位很厲害的大導師。

我的命，我自己來。

如果連自己的命都改不了，我有何本事收人家的紅包，爲他人改命補運呢？

.....................

"You could have chosen to be kept by a man early in your life. Why did you not?"

"Everyone should grow abilities for their own lives. What I wish to be is a big lotus that blooms out of the slushy mud, pure and untainted. Not a little flower that is incubated in a greenhouse."

I come from a family, where almost all the women are strong and self-reliant. My 78-year-old grandaunt lives alone, never marry and has no kids. When my grandfather got married, he brought my young grandaunt to live with him. In the twenty over years he passed on, when my grandmother was still alive, grandaunt would still give a monthly allowance to my grandmother (her sister-in-law), despite being 60 over years old.

She is just a lady who works odd jobs. The monthly allowance she gave my grandmother is from her hard-earned money.

Grandaunt did not receive much of an education. I am a university graduate. How can my abilities be inferior to hers?

During my childhood, my family was laden with heavy debts. Every other day, there would be creditors incessantly calling the house phone or banging on the house door, asking for repayment. As a young girl, I often get pushed out to deal with these fierce-looking strangers. Reason being, when they saw a kid, they would often soften their tone of voice, and give a few more days for repayment.

I was frightened at that time. But if I didn't do what I was told, I would get scolded or beaten badly. Even after I grew up, there are times when I would get ridiculously afraid. I count myself lucky that the Buddhadharma has an uplifting influence on me. The terror of facing a bear in front of me, and having a tiger chasing behind gradually moulded my tenacity.

Either I don't do it, or when I do, I will burn my boats so that it's either success or nothing.

A childhood where I was constantly frightened had me promising myself this: I will never let anyone or anything threaten me.

My Bazi did indeed indicate that I can opt not to work and rely on the financial support from a man.

But for an outstanding talent like me, if I do not come out to contribute to mankind and choose an easier way out, wouldn't I be letting down the great genes of my ancestors of the past 18 generations, and the teachings from my Grandmaster and Shifu?

Ever since I started out, my work had benefitted a lot of people and my writings had helped grow the wisdom of many readers.

The skills that I hone in the past 10 over years give me freedom to earn money wherever I am. With the environmental Feng Shui worsening, the problems of mankind will only snowball and multiply. As long as I have the real skills, my line of work will only get more valuable as I age. Shifu often jokes that, if I have no business when I am old, I can still consider setting up a fortune-telling stall in front of the Guan Yin Temple at Waterloo Street, to pass time. 😄

Should I have to go through another reincarnation, at the very least, there will be this seed of unflinching courage and perseverance planted in my subconscious. Because I made the effort to.

If I opt to rely fully on a man, and have no independent ability of my own, what will happen to me when he has a change of heart?

My mum also had many offers from men, who wanted to make a mistress out of her. But for the sake of us, the children, she rejected all of them. Through her own perseverance and efforts, she still managed to raise me.

She also said if a man is unwilling to give you a legal status, don't waste your youth on him.

The adults' teaching by example will always carry more weight than what they preach.

The kind of Destiny the adults have will also be similar to the kind of Destiny their children will have.

The me right now does not have to live an ignoble existence nor live my life according to the mood of a man. When I wish to make money, I go make money. When I feel like writing to talk with all of you, I write. In my spare time, I continue honing my skills in Buddhadharma and Chinese Metaphysics, and develop my wisdom.

To me, this is the freedom that I had fought for many years. Such is the spirit that I wish for my children to learn.

Spending money is most satisfying, when this money is earned with a peace of mind. If the money is obtained through illegal/immoral ways, there will always be karmic consequences to bear, be it the spender is me or my family.

This article isn't written to look down on other women, who choose to be kept by a man. Everyone has a different motivation in life. I only wish to awaken you, to continue treading on your original pure and pristine path in life. Among my women clients, those, who chose this easy route to money, do not have a happy ending.

For me, I just think that no other person will be more bothered and diligent than me, in creating the Destiny I covet.

If I do not have the ability, I am willing to learn humbly from the right teachers, and I am very fortunate to have two great ones in my life.

I will formulate my own Destiny.

If I can't even transform my own Destiny, what right do I have to receive the red packets from others, to help them with their fortune and luck?